After a weekend, during which I had five separate, dramatic meltdowns,I knew the meeting with my doctor was not going to go well today (“Well Mrs Tabb, rocking in a corner at toddler group will probably be totally appropriate. So off on your merry way!”)
No in fact the general consensus is that I need to be here for at least another week. I have mixed feelings about this. Initially relief because I’m clearly not well enough to function ‘out there’ since walking down a crowded street is a little much for me at the moment. Secondly, totally guttedness (is that a word ?) that I will be away from Super Kid and Robo Boy for so much longer. I miss them so much it hurts like physical pain. Thirdly, whey! more hospital food. You have to love the ‘ identify the cubed-insipid-coloured-vegetable’ game whatever your mood is like.
The other news is that they are starting me on a new antidepressant. After the first one gave rise to a massive panic attack and a general feeling of doom, this seems like a good plan. In the meantime while we wait for it to kick in I get to continue on the ‘blue smarties of wonderfulness!’ OK so I can’t easily construct verbal sentences or pair shoes but at least my brain is quiet for a while, which is welcome relief.
So I sit and wait it out. I move between the day room and my bedroom. I make small talk with the other patients (“how you feeling today ?” “like death” “oh” and moving on…). If I’m lucky there might be a craft activity happening, there is a rumour that tomorrow we will be making festive bunting !! Even the physiotherapists visits to talk about my pelvic floor, break up the day.
I need you, my readers, out their in the technicolor world. Tell me what you did today ? I don’t care how mundane, but try to keep it cheerful. I’d love to hear from you so please leave me comments.