I have been in hospital for nearly two weeks now. For most of this time I have felt terrible. Full of anxiety and very very down.
I started a new antidepressant (Sertraline) four days ago. The doctors said it will take ten days to a fortnight for it to start working. However yesterday and today a tiny little crack opened up in the huge grey cloud that has been covering my head for a few months now.
I still feel very anxious, paranoid, and generally useless. But somewhere in there a part of me can now see that I am going to get better, that there is hope. It is tenuous and I am praying that it sticks around or even starts to open wider to let the sun in.
I am missing home terribly and not being with my kids physically hurts. However I know I can’t rush the process of getting home because I don’t want to undo the good work that has been done. Wonder Girl is doing brilliantly. She is happy and content and has started sleeping really well here in her cot (ssshhh don’t tell the jinxy pixies).
So here’s hoping that things are (finally)starting to get better.