I went to pick my son up from school this afternoon and had a conversation with a group of mothers all waiting for their children. I noticed that one in particular (one of the few I have directly told about my treatment for post natal depression) did not or would not make eye contact with me. This is a lady who I have known since the preschool days, who I have shared coffee with and would consider to be a friend.
Now perhaps I’m paranoid , or perhaps she was having a bad day but the incident made me question my openness about my illness. In fact my openness in general. I am usually a very outspoken, open person. This is not by design or choice, it’s just who I am. I find talking through (or blogging through) my ‘stuff’ extremely cathartic. It’s just that I hadn’t really considered the down side of this until recently.
Putting aside my mental health problems I have always been very open about my life. Sharing personal information with friends, family, the checkout lady in wait rose (not really obviously I dont shop in Waitrose). I have always felt that by sharing my experiences I might help someone. Make someone else’s experience feel more normal. End stigma. Stop judgement.
Without getting too preachy I just want to live in a world where difference, quirkyness, awkwardness etc are ok. Where if you love Star Trek and have to wash your hands five times in a row before leaving the house, your not a freak. If you like football, a pint down the pub, and binge eat, your accepted. Step outside of your comfort zone and have a chat with someone completely different to you. You might even enjoy it and make a new friend.
I will continue to be open and honest about who I am, it makes me vulnerable but I don’t think I could have it any other way. If my mental health problems, or the fact that I am rubbish at small talk make you uncomfortable then I’m sorry. Perhaps you could look at why you ask people “how are you?” if you don’t really want to know the answer.
I’m with you, I tell people honestly about just how ill PND can make you, and how ill it made me. Sometimes it helps people, they know they’re not alone. Sometimes people can’t handle it. I’m still honest about it though.
Keep doing it. It helps you, It will help others. xx
Thanks, if only one person finds my posts helpful then screw the rest of them frankly.
I would rather my friends were open about themselves than hide things away, it doesn’t really make you friends if you can’t share your innermost thoughts. Carry on the way you are, she’s the one with the problem, not you.
Thanks, I will. Tried to comment on your octonaughts post but stupid iPad (sorry iPad I will never speak that way about you again baby) wont let me. So anyway good post and fab clam biscuits, love em. I’m going to make some and do clam puppet shows for myself for entertainment in the evenings.
You come across as a lovely woman, yes you may have some problems at the moment but as you say, talking about them helps you and it certainly helped me when I was feeling down, it made me realise that yes, alright I too have problems but I am not alone with them, and there are people out there in the big bad world battling problems bigger than mine, it put things into a bit more perspective for me. Now, I don’t know why your friend wouldn’t make eye contact, only she knows that, but when you see her again maybe just smile and see what her reaction is then.
Thanks and hope you also feel better soon.
people can be such a funny old lot. deepy self centred most of the time. one thing I think to myself in situations like you faced is most likely its about her not you.
I too am open and honest about my life. my trials, tribulations and joys. I also just say what I am wondering/thinking.
One day 5 years ago having guessed a friend was pregnant the last 3 times in a happy well recived way ( she always got very pale and sick looking) I called her and said have you got something to tell me.. are you pregnant? have we got a lovely baby to look forward to? her reply was quiet. she asked if i thought she was mad ( of course not-why?) or fat? ( umm i am double her size.) the call ended soon after and I shruged it off thinking opps and meaning to make it up to her next time I saw her. she has srone walled me ever since and now our children are sharing a class again…wtf?
people.. sigh
That’s a shame. Thanks for your comment.
I’ve had depression since I was 17 (now 29) and back at the start, I hid it like a dirty little secret! Now, I’m no longer ashamed to say it to anyone! I think that the more people like you who are not embarrased to talk about depression and PND, to help each other, the better and more accepting world we might live in!
I love reading your blog – keep up the brilliant work!!
Aw thanks, your comment brightened my day. Solidarity and all that.
Hi Ella
Hope you are on the mend. I look forward to reading your blogs, you always have something interesting to share, and I often feel like I want to join in on the conversation.
So please keep being you, keep blogging, keep sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Thanks Helen, comments on my blog always brighten my day so feel free to join the conversation. Thanks for saying such lovely things about my blog.
Honest is healthier and you know where you are! Perhaps you just chose the wrong one to be honest with. Some people find it hard to understand stuff they haven’t experienced so feel awkward for themselves not you. x
Your posts never come in my inbox will re-subscribe on another email! 🙂
Take care Mrs you are doing fab x
Heh we must have been on each others blogs at the same time. Your right , I know, it’s just hard to be that girl sometimes. Yes please subscribe again, I’m not ashamed to admit I love subscribers 🙂
I agree, I think if you can help one person with how they are feeling then it’s worth it. I can’t believe people would act like that though – usually if you are honest then it gives people the chance to be honest back. Maybe she just didn’t know what to say but she could have done a better job that that! x
Thanks , I suppose she could have just been having a bad day. I am feeling a little sensitive ATM.