1.It will take you an hour to get ready to leave the house, if it already took an hour pre-children it will now take you two. Once you have made all the necessary preparations (fed the baby, packed the bag, wrestled the toddler into coat and shoes) the baby will do an almighty poop. This will be no ordinary poop and will require a complete change of clothes as it has seeped up the baby’s back. You will be late!
2. Never wear black when you have a child under the age of four. It shows baby sick, snot, paint, food that has been spat at you, up to perfection. In fact it is unlikely you will leave the house in a completely clean outfit for some time.
3.When you step on Lego , or playmobile’s tiny tiny pieces it hurts. Furthermore the piece the child wants will always be the one you just accidentally hoovered up.
4.With regards Lego, siblings eat it.
5.The remote control/mobile phone is better than any baby toy you could ever buy. Yes this includes ‘toy’ mobile phones, nice try mum but baby can tell.
6.Your baby will find channels with the remote control (they finally got their snotty little paws on) that you didn’t know existed. They will be unsuitable viewing.
7. Nothing green will ever be eaten by a child under five without bribery or sedation. With the exception of green smarties.
8. If you wear a necklace and pick up a child under the age of two, you will regret it.
9. If you are under two the bath is a brilliant place to poop. Warm relaxing, what better conditions could you ask for.
10.Children are at their absolute cutest and adorable when they are asleep. You will stare at their clean, quiet, relaxed faces and realise that it is all worthwhile.
All so so true. Amen sister. Can I also add that if you like your earlobes don’t pick up a toddler or baby while wearing sangli earrings. Ouch!
Ouch I wear plain silver studs for that reason
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This is so true! Just read it aloud to my hubby and we both laughed and exchanged knowing looks with each other – especially the ‘pooing in the bath’ bit 😉
So glad I made you both laugh , going to do a whole series of these so keep a look out.
Very true and very funny, especially as my two are now a little older!!! 🙂
My guys have alway liked green things though and not the ones they find up their noses!!! Bex once asked age 4 could she take a savoy cabbage leaf for a break time snack, yes weird I know.
Have a good Sunday xxx
Very wierd even I’m not sure about cabbage !
ha ha LOVE this and i was nodding my head to just about ALL of them! i find any coloured top gets snotted or dribbled or puked on though i have to say 😉
xx
Yes but snot looks so much worse on black than on other colours. You just have to coordinate with your snot!