Would you take a pill if there was a chance it could make you gain weight ? I’m guessing that for most of you,that’s a no brainer. So let me rephrase that. Would you take said pill if it might also improve your mental health, and potentially give you your life back?

This is exactly the quandary I find myself in. To catch up, if you haven’t been following my story so far (it’s ok I won’t hold it against you) I am depressed. So depressed I’ve been an inpatient (with nights at home) for nine weeks now. I have panic attacks, generalised anxiety, and my miserable head on. I am taking antidepressants which have helped lift my depression somewhat but not enough.

Also since I am an awkward little pixie I’m now having mood swings and even more panic attacks ( boy do I sound like a charismatic kind of a gal, feel free to invite me to dinner parties etc.) Sooo my doctors put their heads together and wracked their big brains and decided that a new drug should be added to the mix.

Just to complicate matters further I am determinedly breastfeeding little Wonder Girl. This limits me to breastfeeding friendly drugs. So the drug in question (which I will not name as heck I need a little privacy here) should stabilise my mood. Just one teeny problem, it could make me as hungry as a hippo.

Now don’t you dare all tell me that when I’m hungry I could munch on carrot sticks and frozen grapes. It’s never going to happen! Firstly I have zero willpower in the face of chocolate, and secondly, well, chocolate.

Just to add a teeny bit to my’ I’m a complete head case’ profile I have once trod dangerously close to the eating disorder line. As a girl who once wore Lycra for a living, I’m not entirely comfortable with my new womanly curves. As much as I embrace them and the wonderful people who cuddle them, I want them to stay as they are. I am not comfortable with the idea of occupying enough space so as to be classed as a new continent, if you catch my drift!

So as vain and stupid as this question may sound, it’s how I  feel, I don’t need any extra worries or problems right now. So here is where it sits now. I will take the pill for two weeks. I will be weighed regularly. Should I start to gain weight I will discontinue the pill and my doctors will rethink. This is the doctors suggestion and I’m good with it, mostly.

So luck and light thoughts is what I’ll be needing over the next few weeks. All this is getting rather tiresome now and I really really want the old me back!