I think that being a stay at home mummy of small children can make you feel pretty isolated and lonely at times. You spend large chunks of your day in the company of little people who either can’t talk or when they do are passionate about things that may not make for the most stimulating conversation.
My mummy friends are more than just a nice thing to have, they are a total lifeline. Some adult conversation, someone to compare notes with, someone to drink bad tea with at the local toddler group. These friends can be found in many places, baby swimming classes, antenatal groups, or later waiting to collect children at the school gates.
I have suffered a bit of a double whammy when it comes to mummy friends. Firstly because I suffered post natal depression after the birth of each of my children I wasn’t really feeling sparkly enough to socialise. Secondly I have moved areas between each child so didn’t establish any friendship groups. It’s nice to have friends on your doorstop for that emergency tea and therapy because your youngest didn’t sleep last night and your eldest has decorated your carpet, with play dough.
Recently I have been fortunate enough to meet some really fabulous women. Perhaps the concentration of quirky is just right in the area we have moved to. This is good because I’m not great at smalltalk and have an underdeveloped brain to mouth connection at times. I’m grateful and keen to nurture my new relationships.
This is a little tricky at the moment as I’m still poorly. Some days I’m so anxious I can barely move let alone make decent conversation. On one particular occasion when asked by two new potential friends for coffee I responded “oh gosh no that would really be far too much right now”. I then stared at them like a startled sheep. Desperate to try and convince them I’m not a nutter I added “however I promise when I’m better I’m going to be really fun, and interesting”. Back away from the crazy woman in purple people.
This morning though I stepped out, way out, of my comfort zone. I was invited for coffee by the very same women (perhaps they were curious as to how interesting and fun I would be). I went back and forth over whether I was going to attend (mountain/molehill I know) and this morning decided I was up to it.
It was nice. I was nervous but I don’t think I said anything too ridiculous. They were all friendly and not a single one of them laughed at me , or ignored me or any of the stupid things I guess we are all afraid of.
So I have a list (yes I’m uptight, deal with it) of mummy friends. Some are old friends like my friend who has been with me through thick and thin since the birth of our first babies five years ago. Some are new but have already been really good friends to me. For those people I am very grateful, I can’t wait to be home, feeling better and ready to have some fun.
good for you Ella – such an important step forward for you.
i actually attended a playgroup this afternoon on my own – i have been rubbish at going to them and its not fair on the boys and i will never make mummy friends if i don’t go to such gatherings!
i hope to meet up with you again very soon too – especially for some cake and nice tea xx
Hi , yes definatly , I have the perfect cupcake in mind to make for us.
I feel like that at times, we live in a really small rural village and hardly know a soul! Only a few people and wish for adult conversation at times during the day. Well at least we know we are not alone!
Yes , that’s why the Internet is so brilliant. If you can’t meet with people near by there is usually someone online to chat too.
There definately is!
Thank you for emailing me back Ella, you have helped me overcome my blog virginity lol!
Now following you from:
http://3rd-time-mummy.blogspot.com/
Glad to hear it, happy blogging.
And your new and old mummy friends are lucky to have you as a friend too xxx
As thanks xx
Firstly well done you on having the courage to giving socialising a go – I hope that didnt come across as patronising – I wasnt being! When I had Little A I felt so anxiuos that it took me almost six weeks to leave the house – I still dont feel as socially confident as I used to – Little A is now two years old.
Yes it’s wierd isn’t it, in our former lives it was so much easier to have confidence and meet people. I’m glad I took the step , but tbh a little scared of being hurt.
That´s great to have good adult friends as well as the children. I really enjoyed your story. When I read it today I remember when I was at home with the children (100 years ago) and “everybody else” in the neighbourhood where at work doing adult things. Even when I meet someone older than 18 I pointed at the fireengine saying “look look there it´s a tuut tuut” (but in swedish ofcourse). Or “look at that lamp”.
Yes, if I’m alone in the car and see a tractor I always feel like I need to point it out to someone. How are you getting on with your blog ?
This week I got in tuch with facebook and somehow I got to be a member. I really don´t understand anything but suddenly there where 35 old and young people in my mail, from the past, asking me to be their friend. There where also a lot of uggly pitcures of me in my mail…..I know who is responsible. Well there where also very nice pictures from the same person….She is forgiven.
As I see I still have a lot to learn. But I really got stressed if I have to have a personal mail comunication with 400 (or even less as 35) people, but that´s proabebly not the ideá?
Thank´s for asking me.
Have a good day!!
mormor ann