I am home, after a three month stint in hospital. My husband is super busy (and super tired)with his electrical business and I need to jump back in and take charge of the domestic/children side of our lives. In all honesty I am more than just a little bit apprehensive about doing that while still feeling pretty fragile. So to remind myself and help other mums who suffer with depression I thought I’d write a list of ideas to help with the task of parenting while suffering from depression.
1. Walk each day with small steps. Often when I wake in the morning I find the prospect of a whole day parenting very daunting. On these days I find it easier to focus on small steps. Concentrate on the first thing you have to do and don’t worry about the rest. Soon it will be lunchtime and you will have only half a day left to survive.
2. Keep things simple. When your feeling low it is best to keep the tasks we have to do as simple as possible. For example dinner doesn’t have to be an Annabelle Karmel recipe prepared loving from scratch. It’s fine to give the kids fish fingers, potato waffles and peas, they are probably more likely to eat it without a fuss anyway, saving you another headache.
3.Good enough parenting is good enough. When you are depressed it is so easy to add “not being a perfect parent” to your list of reasons to hate yourself (I know I beat myself with this particular stick regularly). Honestly if your children watch tv regularly (my own personal bad parenting choice) it’s ok, chances are they will still grow up to be healthy, well adjusted,adults regardless.
4. Ask for help. I find it very hard to admit I need help, harder still to ask for it. I don’t want to appear weak or like I can’t cope. The truth is asking for help when you need it is a strength. If having a friend pop round to help you make dinner or play with the kids for you helps you get through the day then do it. You do not have to be superwoman, there will come a time when your friends need you and then you can share the love.
5. Remind yourself of what went right each day, don’t just focus on what went wrong. For me personally there are days when I don’t keep it together as I would have liked. I may shout at the children or cry in front of them. This kind of moment can cloud the whole day, as if that moment ruined everything positive I did that day. Don’t let that happen, remind yourself that their were good things as well in your day. If you shouted at your children I’m certain you cuddled them as well, remember it is the whole picture which is important.
I hope these ideas are helpful, I know I will refer to them over the next couple of weeks/months. Please feel free to add your thoughts, if anyone has any other ideas on how to cope, then leave me a comment and share.
All sound like good advice for parenting, regardless of your mental state
I am totally with you on not judging a day by a negative event. How many times are we super mum all morning creating really lovely times and memories with our kids only for it to go arse up mid afternoon? I aim for good hours and move on from the not so good ones ASAP.
Wishing you well. You can do it x
Very sound advice! Glad to hear you are out of hospital and getting things together again. Hope you are feeling better.
Welcome home! Thanks for the list, you make some really good points that we often forget in the day-to-day rush. I hope you’re finding plenty of things to make you smile even if things are really difficult sometimes being home.
Your list is brilliant!
I also try to recognise my achievements – no matter how small they are to try and focus on the positives of the day as well – even if all I managed to do was play with my little man for a little while!
Keep on taking those small steps – you’re on the right path now 🙂
xxx
One that reassures me is: Remember everyone has days when they want to sit down and cry, probably every week! Its apparently ‘normal’! 🙂
Your list is so right, we all need to remind ourselves every day that we are doing ok 😀
Very good advice for everybody. It dosn´t matter if you are young or old, a mother or a grandmother. We all need to be remainded what a special person we are. I would seriusly buy my self a buitiful notebook and write, every day, all the good things I have done. As your advice under no 5. A beautiful “feel good book” will make me happy. I wonder how many times there will be about sharing the bread that I have made. Thank´s Ella.
Very true on all points. On the last point I always forget that the kids don’t really remember the day as a whole like we do – they move on so quickly. My 17 month olds can be very upset mummy has them pinned to the floor in an unwelcome nappy change only to be laughing hysterically splashing each other in the bath in the space of less than 2 minutes!
Hello there – I have just come across your blog via a facebook link & I think it is fantastic as this time last year I myself was admitted to the Mother & Baby Unit in Nottingham. I spent eight weeks on the unit and was treated with various medication. I have posted your blog on my facebook page as I am in the process of setting up a support group for those affected by postnatal depression take a look if you get chance – http://www.facebook.com/openhousenotts x
good post Ella. Wise words.