I’ve mentioned here that when I was younger I had big ambitions. I grew up wanting to become the next Madonna, or the star of a west end musical. Sure I dreamed about being adored by men and proposed to, but I never dreamed about marriage and children.

In fact as a young adult I lived up to my ambition of escaping the ‘ordinary’. I studied dance, then circus and my husband and I worked as a circus artists together for six years. While,I supposed, everyone else headed for the office, I donned lycra and hung from a trapeze. I felt on the edge of society. An anarchist living outside of the system, making my dream come true.

When I decided to have children I met a family of puppeteers. They took their children on the road with them, breastfed with one hand and operated puppets with the other. That will be me, I decided. My children would watch adoringly from backstage whilst we performed, we would continue living the dream.

What I hadn’t considered was this. I have a mental health problem, one which I manage brilliantly. I keep my stress levels as low as possible, I have a routine to my days. I do not cope well with stress. In fact, taking off the rose coloured glasses, when I worked as a circus artist I was actually pretty stressed a lot of the time.

I found the uncertainty a challenge. The competitiveness made me paranoid and insecure. There were times when I longed for a regular life. Well, as they say, you should be careful what you wish for.

This new ‘me’ didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning to a house full of children, not a sequin in sight. First I gave up work, the long hours and travelling were not suited to conventional childcare. I took my eldest along to a few gigs but it proved impractical not to mention unprofessional. So I stopped working.

Next we decided it would be best if Dave (my husband) retrained. Working in the circus meant working evenings, weekends, ย and school holidays, he would never see the children. So he retrained to be an electrician.

So now he is an electrician, I am an aspiring writer ย stay at home mum. Our family has grown and we have three children.

This is the first bank holiday weekend that we have spend as a whole family (when Dave was a circus artist he was always working) and it has been bliss. Today we hung out at home , I hoovered my car, and we watched a family film. Examining the day and my family it occurred to me that my life is perfectly mundane. I feel fulfilled, whole, and mostly happy.

I realised that my happiness does not hinge on who I become, or how cool whatever I do is. My happiness comes from the people in my life and the love we share. As I look at my lovely family I realise I love them, and they love me. Who could want anything more.

Me enjoying the amazing (and mundane) task of teaching my son to ride his bike.