This morning was one of those mornings. I’m sure we have all been there. Firstly I was on my period which is not my favourite time of the month (sorry yes I said period, I roll like that). So I was bleeding and bloated and grumpy and the children were not helping.
On days like this they behave like an annoy the heck out of Mummy tag team. Wonder Girl played her ‘I am going to cling to your leg and wail like my life depends on you picking me up’ card. Robo Boy and Super Kid initially went with ‘beating five shades of crap out of each other and then whine to Mummy about how terribly the other had behaved’ school of torture, which is somewhat of a speciality for them.
All of the above whilst I tried to do the three hours worth of domestic slavery that I have to fit into an hour before the school run. So I’m making packed lunches, hanging laundry, loading the dishwasher and peeling Wonder Girl off my leg. All the while thinking that if someone offered me a day working in an office right now I would be out the door in unstained office wear in an instant.
So things get worse when I suggest to my children that they should put on their shoes ready to go. Now all children know that putting on shoes and a coat is akin to having your fingernails pulled out by pixies. So naturally they protested, a lot. Then the boys fought some more ending with my eldest destroying my middle’s long laboured over lego model. This seemed mean so I go involved, always a mistake.
Then realising the error of my ways I try to regain control of the situation. I hand my eldest his gillet, perfect I thought for the autumnal day. At which point he says “yeah great I’ll wear this, even though its sunny and I’m going to be boiling all day” his tone dripping with sarcasm. Right around the word boiling my brain has started to boil. Then as my middle knocks over my youngest ,causing the wailing to return, I lose it.
“GET YOUR COAT ON AND STOP BEING SO BLOODY MISERABLE, I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I CAN TAKE NO MORE”. My son looked pretty shocked, which personally I think shows I don’t shout often and am therefore obviously mostly succeeding at good parenting, right ?
I grab his hand and march all three to school. Once there amongst the other altogether more reasonable parents, who had obviously not been shouting like fishwives that morning, the guilt set in. I apologised to my son and told him that I love him, even when I’m cross and headed off to preschool with the other two.
So ok go ahead and judge me, but I shared this because it’s real life. It’s what happens sometimes when I (human and not cloned from Martha Stewarts gene pool) get stressed. It doesn’t happen often and I always apologise and explain to my children that the way I handled things is not the best way. Please help me out here, am I alone ? Please share your guilty mummy moments, or even tips for how to avoid becoming ranty, because I clearly need them.
Ha ha the other day I shouted “I’ve had enough” in the street at the top of my voice. One lady gave me a funny look 🙂
Aaron was on reins and taking hours to walk anywhere and stretching my nerves…
It’s rare but it happens
xxx
Thanks for sharing, feel less guilty already.
Hi Ella,
First off I just want to say that if God didn’t want us shouting at our kids he’d not have given us the ability to raise our voices! I’ve never subscribed to the ‘talk rationally to your kids and never shout’ view on parenting. Like you, when my kids push too far, I shout. Same as 99% of mothers, I’m sure. The thing is, when I raise my voice, the kids know it’s serious. I bet your 3 stopped misbehaving after you shouted at them, right? Kids (especially younger ones) respond best to stimulation – any psychologist will tell you that. Sweets and toys are brightly coloured. The most-loved toys make noises. Kids love to play with water and sand and paint. All of these things stimulate a child to help them learn. Logically, then, raising your voice (or using any emotion in your voice) is going to stimulate a child to a better learning response. Sometimes, we ask them to stop, they carry on, we talk to them calmly explaining why they should stop and they still carry on. We shout and all those little immature neurons in their brains register the stimulation and they stop. My 5 kids aren’t so little any more – youngest is 6 and my eldest is 17 – but they’re well-grounded, polite, hard-working, straight A students and I am constantly complimented on how well-behaved they are. Although they now respond to a simple raised eyebrow when they’re misbehaving, on the rare occasions I do have to shout, I never apologise. Instead, once I’ve calmed down, I’ll ask them if they know why I shouted at them…it gives them the opportunity to think things through in their own minds and work out that they were misbehaving and not listening when I asked them to stop, and if they weren’t, I wouldn’t have needed to shout. Working it out for themselves is a much better learning experience than listening to someone else explain it!
Thanks for your comment, I agree it’s good for your children to realise that if they push you too far you will get cross. However as I want to teach the children that shouting isn’t an effective way of communicating I do like to explain that to them afterwards and apologise. Sounds like you have done a great job with your children, well done,
I think yesterday the kids were having a particularly troublesome day. Whilst getting them dressed, and in my bleary-eyed-not-awake-until-cup-of-tea state they were being awkward, argumentative and slow. I lost it and shouted. Then quickly stopped and decided if they were ignoring me, well I would ignore them. So making sure they had everything they needed went downstairs to make breakfast. When they came down I carried in ignoring- the two oldest know that when this happens I’m very cross, so they went off and left me alone. Not the best technique but it stopped me biting there heads off!
I will be adopting this technique this morning, thanks hun
I remember saying I have had enough a few weeks ago. So you are certainly not alone! x
Thanks, good to know.
Great advice from Purple Dad there but then Dads are particularly good at that technique aren’t they 😉 and they don’t have periods the lucky things. Just in case your reading this Purple Dad I will say yes I know you have to put up with us etc etc 🙂
So yes to make you feel better at the weekend I announced I thought I would leave the house for a few weeks as I wasn’t able to cope. Teenage years there the best!!! Period coming my way YES!!!!! x x x
Oh gosh don’t say that, the teenage years are a terrifying but thankfully not immediate worry for me. Thanks for popping by Ali.
We all have days like this. I know I have shouted at my kids before now. I am not proud of it but I am human and I make mistakes.
Thanks, glad I’m not alone in this.
If anything it probably communicated to them that you’re a person and have boundaries? I don’t know. My mum shouted a fair bit when we were growing up and we still love her and think she did a good job. Like you I’d rather not shout, but don’t be hard on yourself. You are fabulously human. x
Thanks.
Hiya, I came over from twitter after you tweeted it today.
I have to agree with you, there comes a time when a mum loses her cool – every day at the moment to me!
Kids know how to push the buttons, they know when you say “We need to leave now, we’re going to be late” that if they go as slow as they possibly can, it’ll make us annoyed! My son (4yrs) always does it! We’ll be leaving for nursery, and he’ll need the toilet, or he’ll have taken his clothes off, or he’s hidden my keys! Kids love doing it! Any parent who says theirs don’t, is either a liar or their kids are too scared to test them! It’s part of growing up – they need to test their boundaries. How the parent reacts is the most important thing – and I have been known to stand in the street and scream at the top of my voice!