I am not very good at saying no to people. If someone invites me to do something or asks if I can help my usual response is a resounding yes. Then I go away, check my schedule, realise that I am already completely hectic (three kids, blog, home, the usual) and panic. Then I try to fit it in regardless and end up stressed and unwell, not a good pattern.
I am suffering from a fear of missing out. Perhaps, I imagine, this experience is going to be life changing or at the very least one of those moments you look back on and smile. This in combination with easily induced guilt at saying no works against me every time. So I keep saying yes and signing up myself and my family to an insane level of commitments.
For example last week I attended a pre-school meeting. Prior to this meeting rumour went around that they would be looking for people for the committee. I explained to anyone who would listen that I do not have time for that level of commitment right now. I have three children under six and mental health problems, everyone was understanding, no-one put any pressure on me. The meeting came, I attended and oops I became the social secretary, I really should have sat on my hands.
Today I looked at my current schedule of school runs, kids activities, work commitments, home commitments and exercise plan. It looked full. I resolved not to commit to anything else for the time being, I do not have time.
I headed on the school run. In the playground I started chatting to a couple of other mums. One mum was suggesting we form a mums football team, for fun and exercise. Now I must be suffering from a severe case of fear of missing out syndrome because I found myself nodding and saying “yes that sounds like a great idea, I’m in”.
Seriously , I have no desire whatsoever to play football, as far as I’m concerned team sports, mud, running, and kicking balls are not fun activities. All that and my earlier resolve not to commit to anything more, yet I still said yes.
I need help people. I need foolproof strategies for saying no. Please leave me your ideas for saying no and help keep me and my family sane.
I’d suggest meditation, but I know you don’t have the time! 😉 XXX
Well because I have failed to say ‘no’ on lots of occasions then after saying ‘yes’ and doing then realised I wouldn’t have missed out on what ever I should have said no to in the first place….If you get my drift!!!!
Do it enough times and you will learn 😉 x x x
Yes I guess I will learn eventually 🙂
I would suggest you give yourself a cooling off period.
Smile and say* can I get back to you on that?* or * I will have to have a think about it* * let me check my schedule*
A method I use which will probsbly be too hardcore for a people pleaser like yourself is say NO then think about it lol 🙂
Wow you are hardcore ! 😉
I have no suggestions because I’d be sitting right next to your volunteering to chair the meeting!
Yes, it’s hard being a do-er isn’t it.
As a fellow sufferer, I am not sure what to advise!
Except – as they say – Noticing is the First Step.
O, yes, and sitting on hands.
Here’s the magazine I mentioned. I do have an entry form…let me know if I can post it anywhere….
https://www.writers-online.co.uk/Writing-Magazine/
Yes, in fact I think I need handcuffs chained to a chair ! An entry form would be fab – will email you my postal thanks ! Or is that saying yes again , hmmm.
I don’t know if this will help, but as a great person once said “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without”.
Maybe it’s better to say yes to opportunities “within” yourself\your home, rather than running around trying to be involved with everyone else’s stuff?
ha ha Ella this did make me laugh! i am exactly the same i can never say no even though as soon as i have agreed to something i tell myself off inside my head!! could you not pull out of one of them? there again maybe these new social activities will be good for you??? hmmm well lets hope so x x x