On Friday I went to London to a blogger event. I had expected it to be a real treat a break from routine, going to London child free to take part in a cookery event.
Headed to the event I felt great, I have come such a long way since being in hospital this time last year and I even reflected on how much better I felt. I got the tube, feeling a little buzz as I confidently navigated the underground system without any anxiety. Head held high I walked down the street towards the venue looking forward to a lovely few hours in the company of some of my blogging friends.
I grabbed my phone to check my map for directions and everything changed. A man cycled up behind me, grabbed my phone, shoved me out of the way and quickly cycled off. He was gone as quickly as he appeared and I almost didn’t believe it had happened. I carried on walking.
As I walked I started crying as the shock, anger and fear started to hit me. On arrival I told my story and dealt with the practicalities, block the phone, contact the police, and pulled myself together.
I felt ok and took part in the event, enjoyed chatting and laughing with the other bloggers, I really thought perhaps I was just going to take this in my stride.I was wrong. At the station on the way home the anxious, sick, panicky feeling started in the pit of my stomach. I had a horrible journey home and spent the evening feeling mentally bruised.
It is now Sunday, three days since the incident, and I still feel pretty terrible. I feel embarrassed that such a relatively minor incident has left me in such a state. This sends me into a spiral of self hatred, why can’t I cope with this? Why am I so weak and vulnerable? Why did I let myself imagine that I was getting better?
I honestly don’t know how to move on from this. I feel like every time I plant my flag on the top of the mountain I end up sliding back down and find myself right back where I started. I am letting my family, friends and self down. How can those that love me live with this way of life, the drama, the level of support that I need. Why should they live like this.
This man didn’t just take my phone, he took my confidence and I am ashamed that it is so easy to take.
Oh no Ella you poor thing! I know you feel you aren’t coping but to be honest I think anyone however confident would feel violated and shocked and upset. So please don’t be too hard on yourself lovely I hope this doesn’t set you back in any way. You don’t need to feel embarrassed I bet there are lots of people, myself included, who would be feeling the same way now.
Sending you mega (hugs) x x x
Thanks Jenny, it’s good to hear my reaction isn’t too crazy.
Oh sweetheart! It’s perfectly normal to feel like this, you were in shock at the event which is why you were able to take it in your stride or appear to at least but now you’ve let yourself realise that you have to take stock I guess. Lots of hugs being sent your way.
Thanks Pippa, it really was lovely to see you though, thanks for the giggles.
Ella, I once had my phone stolen and felt embarrassed, stupid, violated and just generally felt like shit for days. Like you I also felt stupid for it affecting me so badly.
When I was 22 my car got totalled in an accident that wasn’t my fault. The driver had run a red light, but as I was turning across his path I was labelled at fault by the insurers. The only actual outcome was my premium going up (and needing to buy a new car of course) but the incident affected me really badly for a long time, I would say months. I really started to feel extremely down and quite depressed about it and couldn’t understand why it had such a big effect on me so long after it had happened.
I think some people just take things really hard. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or anything like that.
For me, I’m a big worrier and hugely over-think everything and I think that’s my problem. I make problems a bigger deal than they need to be. There is no easy solution, I would just say to label it as a minor incident and everytime it comes up in your head and makes you feel bad, distract yourself and try to put it to the back of your mind. Soon enough it will stay there X x
Yes you’re right I am definitely a worrier. Sorry to hear about your car accident, that sounds horrible, poor you.
I know it’s easier to say ‘don’t beat yourself up’ than done but you will get through this. Most people would feel the same ( I know I would!)- hang in there!
I think its totally normal to be shaken after something like this…perhaps if you’d had your bag nicked from under your table you might not feel so violated, but the personal element to the attack is bound to feel more intense. The way in which your property was simply taken from you whilst you were pushed aside is also emotionally difficult. Am sorry to hear you’re still shook up, but beating yourself up for being shook up isn’t fair. It’s not mental health issues that are making you feel wobbly….it’s cos you were mugged! End of! You will not curl up and hide…your life will go on and soon you’ll forget that fucker! Xxxxx
Ok, that sounds like a good plan, thanks Rachel.
I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been awful. Please don’t let this evil man affect you even more. He is not worth anymore of your time and energy. Karma will get him one way or another. I dont know how people like him can sleep at night. Sending you a big hug hun xoxo
Yes I am a great believer in personal Karma. However I can’t help thinking about why this man is in a position where he has to steal phones, is his situation that bad? I guess there is always another side to things so I don’t want to judge him too harshly.
I am sure I would have felt the same. What an awful thing to happen. I hope you get your confidence back soon. x
Ella, how perfectly awful! As others have said, this was a personal violation and it is normal to feel as you do, especially as being stripped of your phone, which we all rely on nowadays, would have added to your feeling insecure. I’m so sorry this happened to you and really hoping it doesn’t have a major impact on your health. x
Yes exactly I didn’t want to mention that element but I really did find it hard without a phone. All my to do lists, budgeting programs, social media, and emails, it feels pretty strange to not have access to them.
As the others above have said, it’s a perfectly normal reaction to a perfectly horrible event. Don’t feel bad about your emotions, there’s few people who would feel any different in the circumstances. Huge hugs for you.
I’m so sorry to hear about that Ella, what a shitty thing to happen. I think it is perfectly natural to feel how you are, I would be exactly the same. It is also shit how these things happen a a time when we think things are going well, please don’t let it have too much of an effect on you though as that means he has gained more than just a phone. He will get his comeuppance! x
Thanks Jess, yes I am hoping to move on and not let this git affect me too terribly. I am a big believer in karma so I guess he will get his.
Oh Ella, so sorry to hear you went through such an awful experience. Only a few days ago, I saw a piece on the news about these types of robberies. Apparantly this has happened to lots of people recently.
Please dont think in any way this was your fault, these gangs know what they are doing, they are fast and devious. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dont let this put you back, dont let these thugs win, dont let them bring you down Ella. I’m glad there were other bloggers there to comfort you, I would have been in a right state if it were me.
Sending you lots of Love xxxx
Thank you, yes a quick google search showed me that these types of theft are on the rise, particularly in the part of London I was visiting. I am trying really hard to move on and not let this incident bring me down too much.
Ella when I read about you in London with all the happy things in your mind and then the chock when and how your phone was stolen. I realy got upset; this should not happen to you. But then I found all your friends comments with all the sympathize, love and understanding and I think what a gift to be able to touch people the way you do! For me this is what itÂ´s all about, to get other people involved, in touch and cared for. Once again Ella ThankÂ´s for sharing your life with us. Hope I will see you and your lovely family in december. Hugs from Ann
Thanks Anne, what will you be teaching me to bake this time?