Recently we discovered that our local cinema offers showings of children’s films on weekend mornings for only £1.50 per ticket. Since it would normally cost us over £40 to all go to the cinema this is an absolute bargain.

The other (less obvious) advantage to the cheap kid’s showings is that the cinema is full of the worlds worst cinema attendees. Yes I’m talking about children, not generally known for their ability to a] sit still or b] be quiet . So the films are always punctuated by loud comments such as “I can fly like Mr Incredible” (The Incredibles) and “that wouldn’t scare me Daddy” (Monsters Inc). There is also a constant and steady stream of people taking their charges to the toilet.

The advantage to this lack of peace is that Wonder Girl is a lot less likely to annoy the other people in the cinema. You see Wonder Girl will sit still in the cinema for precisely five minutes. That is how long it takes her to gobble the chocolate buttons we will have bought with us to keep her quiet. It doesn’t matter that normally she will vegetate in front of the TV for as long as you let her. The simple fact is that for some reason the cinema stimulates her inner crazy, and in Wonder Girl’s case her inner crazy is pretty loud, and pretty wriggly.

Her cinema antics have included;

• Tipping a packet of crisps onto the head of the person sat in front of us.
• Getting her head stuck whilst trying to climb through the metal bars at the front of the cinema seats.
• Trying to sit with the family behind us.
• Trying to breast feed whilst sat too far away from me. I am not that stretchy!

Last weekend we decided to go and see “Wreck It Ralph” at cheap kids am. The boys are generally pretty good in the cinema, so we sit them together and then we put Wonder Girl between us. We then have a tag team approach to dealing with her cinema related antics. As in when one of us gets fed up with wrestling a sticky, noisy toddler the other will take over. Our cinema trips now resemble drunken nights of old, as in there are some gaps in the plot and we can’t exactly remember how they ended. One day we will get to watch a whole film and it will be a hard earned triumphant moment. Until then can somebody please tell me how Wreck It Ralph ends?

The only thing that will keep Wonder Girl quiet.