I love being a Mum. Caring for my children, watching them grow and guiding them to become the happiest, best versions of who they are is a privilege and a pleasure. Being engulfed in the warm glow that comes from being a part of a team of five, and being loved just for being me is also pretty damn cool.
In amongst that joy though is a little worm of a worry. It creeps into my mind and concerns me with the future. That they will grow up, leave home, start their own lives and I will be left, bereft and purposeless in their wake. I’ll be proud that I’ve led them towards independence, happy that they have sense of purpose and lives to live, but still I worry.
This probably seems completely ridiculous to you, given that my children are so small. Why worry, just enjoy, deal with bridges as they approach you’re probably thinking. Honestly I wish I could, I’d love to hit that head state and coast on that mindset all the way through my life, but we’re all wired differently.
I care so passionately about how good my life is now, especially because it hasn’t always been so, that I am absolutely terrified of losing this place. This place where I get to love, be loved and wake up every day knowing that it will be a good day. In fact this blog post seems to have turned into a therapy session, because I’m typing this tears trickling down my cheeks.
So I wake in the morning, and I get greeted with a cuddle, a giggle, sometimes a whine and even that is good. My husband tells me he loves me, my children fight over who gets to sit closest to me. So please someone give me the advice I need to enjoy this now without this concern for it all slipping away.