I love being a Mum. Caring for my children, watching them grow and guiding them to become the happiest, best versions of who they are is a privilege and a pleasure. Being engulfed in the warm glow that comes from being a part of a team of five, and being loved just for being me is also pretty damn cool.
In amongst that joy though is a little worm of a worry. It creeps into my mind and concerns me with the future. That they will grow up, leave home, start their own lives and I will be left, bereft and purposeless in their wake. I’ll be proud that I’ve led them towards independence, happy that they have sense of purpose and lives to live, but still I worry.
This probably seems completely ridiculous to you, given that my children are so small. Why worry, just enjoy, deal with bridges as they approach you’re probably thinking. Honestly I wish I could, I’d love to hit that head state and coast on that mindset all the way through my life, but we’re all wired differently.
I care so passionately about how good my life is now, especially because it hasn’t always been so, that I am absolutely terrified of losing this place. This place where I get to love, be loved and wake up every day knowing that it will be a good day. In fact this blog post seems to have turned into a therapy session, because I’m typing this tears trickling down my cheeks.
So I wake in the morning, and I get greeted with a cuddle, a giggle, sometimes a whine and even that is good. My husband tells me he loves me, my children fight over who gets to sit closest to me. So please someone give me the advice I need to enjoy this now without this concern for it all slipping away.
Ah bless you. The fact you care enough to even let these thoughts affect you proves you’re a mum to be proud of. Creating independent kids means we’ve done our job well – the reins may be loosened, but the ties can still be strong. You are not your Mum, (although if you love her enough to write that publicly then perhaps the relationship is stronger than you think?) I lost my Mum when my baby was 10 weeks old. We never know how things will turn out. Just try to concentrate on the here and now, enjoy them, and be kind to yourself. We’re really very lucky people to have these little creatures on our lives. Try not to miss to much of it stressing about stuff that might not ever happen Xxx
You’re right, we are very lucky, thanks.
Two of mine have left home. One I see every day for dinner because he lives a 2 min away, the other is a 30 min drive. And I wish they were still living at home, and I had my four babies all under one roof. I miss them, but I am also enjoying the freedom I have now. Its great that me & hubby can do stuff alone, even if its just a walk along the river. Worrying about them growing up is only natural, but it will be fine, I promise xxx
It will be nice to have couple time with Mr P, but hopefully there will still be plenty of family time even when they are grown.
It’s difficult to sometimes just ‘enjoy’ the moment/s, especially if in the past there’s been something that stops you. For my OH his mum & dad weren’t happy together & therefore didn’t spend anytime with him doing ‘family’ stuff. So being a hands-on dad has been a learning curve for him. Tried to teach him that he had to learn to ‘let go’ & just ‘enjoy’ what is in front of him. It has taken time, lots of chat but he is a better person & dad for it. Good luck & it is worth the effort.
Parenting certainly helps people work through their own issues, and become happier people doesn’t it. Glad your husband has made so much progress.
I have the same fears, here, right now is so good but I can’t help but feel like as soon as Annie goes to school that’s the beginning of the end. As soon as I ‘let her go’ she’ll grow up and leave in a heartbeat.
I saw my parents treat their folks like rubbish, they weren’t great parents themselves and I don’t want my two feeling like that about me.
Deep down I know it’ll all be fantastic, we’re great parents and we’re the ones to break the cycle, promise xx
You’re right, and I can reassure you as a Mum who lost her first too school two years ago. My eldest is absolutely not lost, in fact if anything school and him developing independence makes me see how like us he is becoming and how bonded we are. I should listen to myself.
You’ll break the cycle, you love them and care about them and they will know that and always value you. Be it living near by or just phone calls for advice they will always be part of your life. Things will be different but there will be ups and downs all the way, just try and focus on the ups and it’ll all sort itself out. Above all enjoy xxx
Thanks Mandy, I certainly hope they will always know how much I love them.
The happy times and shared moments and joy that you bring your kids now won’t suddenly change. It’ll just shift, organically over time, so that by the time they’re grown and big and independent in the world, they’ll still be bound to you and want to spend time with you. Because you’ll always be their mum. You’ll always be the number 1. I promise. Just enjoy the here and now and relax knowing that these happy times don’t have to end. xx
Thanks, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
No idea if it’s helpful to say this, but I worry about just the same thing. There would be a lot to be said for ‘just enjoying the moment’, but that’s not so simple is it? I try to acknowledge the worry for what it is – just a worry – can’t stop myself doing it and it doesn’t spoil the now – so don’t worry about the worry!
Good tip, not worrying about worry is something I really need to stop worrying about 😉
I am exactly the same, and am already worrying about when they are teenagers wanting to go out and drink etc.
I don’t get on with my mum in any way and the main way I parent is to do the opposite of what she would have done, I’m just hoping this will be good enough for them to trust and want to come to me when they are older. I also hope it will bring them up to make sensible decisions. Iyla is starting pre-school in a couple of weeks, then school and it scares me how much time they are away from you then, it’s like letting them go a bit already. It’s scary! x
It’s so hard isn’t it. I hadn’t even begun to worry about the teenage years, but now I am lol.
You are not your mum. Superdad is not his Dad. Your beautiful children are not you or Superdad. None of us knows what the future will bring but we can do our best to make sure ‘the now’ creates a positive place for us to be in.
As parents, it’s we have to remember that we do everything within our power to help guide, protect, nurture our kids but we are not the only input. We do all we can. They become who they are and we work with what we have. Continue enjoying working on ‘the now’. That’s what we can do.
As mothers, we really can’t help worrying, but the best thing to do is savour every moment, every kiss and cuddle. And pray that our children turn out to be good human beings, and let me know that we’re always there for them. Lovely post!
I think the secret it that is happens gradually. You don’t wake up one morning and suddenly no one wants to sit near you or hug you – it happens slowly and in a positive way. One day one of them might not scramble as much, but that will be balanced by them learning to be independent and achieving things on their own, and this goes some way to make up for it. Enjoy it now, but know that it will be OK. xx