At a blogging conference this year (Britmums Live) one of the speakers, Katie Hill, called us a room full of massive over sharers”. At the time I laughed and thought nothing of it, then today I listened to a discussion on Radio 4’s Women’s Hour about parent blogging and gave the idea more thought. Jayne Garvey and parent bloggers Alice Harold (More Than Toast) and Tim Atkinson (Bringing Up Charlie) discussed parent blogging. One of the things they talked about was the sharing of our own and our children’s lives on our blogs. In fact Jayne mentioned seeing photos of Alice’s sleeping children and that looking at them felt intrusive.
Honestly it would never have occurred to me that this was oversharing. I’m so immersed in the world of blogging and social media that this kind of sharing feels commonplace, normal and acceptable.
I blogged my most personal thoughts and feelings from a bed in a mental health unit whilst fairly unwell, at the time it felt like the right thing to do. Looking back, I’m not sure it was. In fact now I even question why I felt the need to share such a deeply difficult and personal experience with, potentially, the entire world.
For me, at that time, writing my innermost thoughts, ideas and feelings was massively cathartic. It helped me to process them. Using my blog to do it gave me access to feedback and empathy, the kind words of people who commented at that time really helped me get through that experience. I’m also hopeful that what I shared could help other people in similar situations.
Then there is the smaller sharing. The jokes about my toddler’s will fullness. The funny stories about my ‘bad’ Mummy moments. They feel like nothing when I’ve blogged such personal stuff, but still my children will potentially read what I’ve written about them, without their permission. They’re too young to understand the internet and it’s indelibility. What will the children of parent bloggers make of all this?
At the end of the day I guess we all have to draw our own line in the sand. I think for me, recently, things have changed. Sharing too much has started to feel like tearing strips off of myself for entertainment, there are things I want to keep for me and my immediate family. I want some things to remain sacred and special. I’ll keep blogging in a similar vein, but when I write about my family life I will keep in mind these thoughts. I will be extra careful not to post anything too personal or potentially embarrassing about myself or the rest of the Purple family.
What do you think? If you’re a blogger where do you draw the line? If you’re not a blogger what do you think about us and what we share?
I used to have a blog, but it was from a “former” life. It doesn’t feel like me anymore so I hid it, but didn’t delete it. I agree that it’s cathartic to write, but sometimes I went and toned it down and depersonalised it after I’d calmed down. In the same vein, my tweets are on a rolling delete.
Its good to be passionate, but agree that sometimes toning down is a good plan.
I worry about this too. I love blogging and the community it brings and I hope that my children will never look back on it and be embarrassed. I don’t have many readers so I’m not really blogging for them – I blog with the intention of putting it all in a family blog book at the end of the year so I hope they will see that I am trying to record special moments rather than exploit them!
Yes I’m hoping that my blog will be a nice record for my family to look back on. That said I think when you blog, even with a smaller audience I think you should be aware that anyone can read it, and write with that in mind.
without their consent. I guess part of me has started to feel like I have used them for my own benefit. I am going to start taking a different angle and making it about me,crafts and things we do as a family and not anything too in depth about Iyla anymore, same with Jobey by the time he is one. It is a tricky one and I am shocked to find myself having such a big change of opinion but yeah I guess I feel now like not everything needs to be shared. I hope you got the 1st half of this comment by the way!! I think I pressed a button to make it disappear but not sure if it sent or not! x
Hmmm it didn’t, it basically said that as you know from my comment in a Fb group the other day this has really been a big question on my mind. I think everyone has the choice to do what they feel comfortable with but after a discussion with Matt the other night where I took a post down I have decided to not share as much anymore. It does know feel a bit wrong to me to share so much about them …
Yes, you made me think about it more when you posted on Facebook. Like you I have basically had an about turn, it just feels less appropriate now to, like you said, use them to help me write this blog.
I’ve recently decided after 4 years that I’m no longer going to publicly post photos of my children and that my blog will be less personal. I think I was starting to become a over-sharer, I’m already feeling cleansed by the the last couple of weeks and where I’ve put this into place. It’s hard to explain what I mean by being cleansed, hopefully someone will understand me.
I know what you mean. Any change that feels positive can feel like dropping a big weight, or having a good shower, can’t it.
I’m OK with sharing pictures of my children online – they’re 8 and 10 and often the first thing they do when I take a picture is to ask me to put it on Instagram 😉
I also think that sharing experiences is great because it makes people feel like they’re not the only one going through something iykwim x
I don’t mind pictures either, I’m proud of my kids and their smiling faces. I also think sharing can be hugely helpful. I guess it’s just for me deciding what I feel good about sharing, because I have literally no brain mouth filter at times!
If I wouldn’t stand in a public place and choose to share it then you won’t find it on my blog. As my two have got older I especially think before I press publish but I hope with all my posts the above rule applies x
That’s a good way to look at it. I had recently been thinking that perhaps stuff that seems appropriate for a therapist may be best kept off the blog.
I like what Ali has said above. I do think more about what I blog now that the children are getting a bit older. Also having returned to work I feel more wary and am cautious now as I feel less anonymous – if that makes sense?!
Yes, exactly, when I first started I felt so free, now I know so many people in my real life are also reading my blog and it makes me feel less free. But then in a way me knowing they are reading is a good reminder to keep myself in check.
I think it’s good to reflect on this issue every so often, I find I write less and less personal stuff about my son. More random ramblings. I think there is an appetite for personal stuff that is reflected in stats and that can be tempting to some.
I wrote about my mother’s illness having not factored in what might happen if she died. Then when she died it felt very difficult and awkward to make that into a blog post.
I am often surprised by how much people do share on line, I think being part of a community you can feel as if you are sharing with a ‘group of people you know’ when in fact as soon as you press publish it’s sharing with potentially billions. I thought Jane Garvey’s point about sleeping children was interesting and it really struck me.
Oh gosh I can see how hard the situation with your Mother must have been, and I’m sorry for your loss. I think you’re right and it can feel like you’re only sharing with your bloggy friends, but you are not.
I write relatively anonymously – you could find out my name but it’s not obvious on the site – and have stopped posting full face photos or doing things like Satcap. It’s a deliberate decision because I exaggerate their characters at time for comic effect and also wouldn’t particularly want my work or the Boy’s school being explicitly identified.
Having said that there is a fellow male parent blogger who posts a lot of personal stuff and also happens to be just about my favourite writer on the whole scene so what you read and write should always come down to personal choice and taste.
Oh yes absolutely agree, mainly exploring my own changing mindset around this issue for my blog. Everyone should groove to their own blogging beat, man, ahem.
Great post. As a blogger with older children I am very aware of these issues and they’re always in my thoughts as I write. I pride myself on my honesty, but I don’t use my children’s names or identifiable photos. You might work out approximately where we live, but not exactly and you know my first name. The rest of it is secret, to protect my children. My main priority is that other kids won’t read it and realise it’s about my kids and pick on them for it. Great post.
Thanks, yes that’s why I changed my children’s names to protect them from exactly that.
I worry about this, especially with Annie starting school. I originally started blogging so family and friends could keep up with what we were up to so writing about the kids was the point. Now the blog has evolved and grown I’m wondering if I should write less about the kids.
I think it’s not about writing less about the children as a part of your life. Perhaps more about writing about them mindful of how much you are willing to share of the personal stuff.
The question I was asked by the producer before the programme – but not then made to answer on air – was quite telling. She wanted to know if I’d change anything about the way I blog now in the light of how it had grown since my initial (and accidental) beginnings and I said, yes – I’d use a pseudonym if not for myself then certainly for my children. Although I’m happy (generally) sharing what I share and sometimes think ‘to hell with it! There’s so much garbage and nastiness online, let’s strike a blow for families and reclaim the internet for ourselves’ I do worry a little about ‘using’ things my children say and do (or even make) without in any meaningful sense ever being able to get their consent. It’s probably in our nature, as bloggers, both to share and to worry about sharing – that’s what makes the world of blogs so interesting!
Yes, we bloggers do love a good old navel gaze don’t we. Thanks for inspiring my post.
I have to be careful working in a school .
I did have issues with being bullied this year as a result of something they thought I’d said on twitter.
As a result I am very careful of what I share.
I think it’s probably easier for me as my kids are older – if I am not sure whether or not something crosses the line I can ask them how they feel about me sharing it. Perhaps imagining your children as older and thinking about what they might say to that would help?