One of the reasons I love blogging is the ability to edit myself, less of those ‘did I really just say that’ moments. No need to analyse recent past conversations searching for the moment in which I blew the potential contact/friendship. I’ve been known to send texts to people I’ve spent ‘real life’ time with, apologising for being such a wierdo!
My social skills suck, and I honestly don’t know how to improve them whilst still being me, and not being unbearably self aware all the time. So over the years I’ve come to accept that this is me, there are people who love me regardless (or possibly because of) of my complete lack of brain/mouth filter. I’ve made my peace with not being the most popular girl in the room. I’ve learned to appreciate the friends that ‘get’ me, and not spend too much time with those that don’t.
Now though, now I have children, and with that comes some enforced socialising with other parents . Spending time with other parents, and trying hard not to blow it so badly that my children don’t end up under the same ‘oddbod best avoided’ shadow. Something happened today that really upset me, and I can’t go into what because it’s private but lets just say that a situation that I’ve caused affected one of my children. Hard and very upsetting.
I talked this situation through with someone else, and they gave me some good advice. That I need to compartmentalise myself. That certain social situations call for certain versions of oneself. Obviously I’ve heard of this concept before, but actually doing it is really really hard for me. I determine to make weather related conversation etc, but then life takes me in it’s stormy grasp and I arrive at a situation carried by my emotions rather than by logic. Then I’m me in that moment, feeling whatever I’m feeling, obviously swiftly followed by the aforementioned ‘sorry I’m such a wierdo’ text. For goodness sake how is it possible that I’m so useless at something that other people seem to instinctively do.
Perhaps I should become a mute?
I really need to improve this particular skill set. I need your help, some simple tips that I can take forward into future social situations. Perhaps you struggle too? Sharing that will also help.