Sometimes it goes well, I am my usual oversharing with humour, blunt, kooky (kind word for weird) self and I get smiles, understanding and shared fun. Other times, often times in fact it doesn’t, I pitch it wrong, say too much, speak too much, and I lose. I’m out there, this is me, I am avoided, or treated politely but without too much warmth for fear that I might consider this a friendship.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about this. She started listing times when she has witnessed me with my foot in my mouth, and unwittingly highlighted my inadequacies and hurt my feelings. Something which I guess she was saying I had done, so there’s karma I suppose.
I spent many years in a community where oddness was accepted, and my quirks tolerated. A warm, cuddly, circus community. Sure I still managed to screw up but it was the odd person and mostly I felt comfortable in my own skin. Now I’m in the ‘real’ world. The world of people with proper jobs, proper lives, and proper social skills. I’m flailing.
I’m not blaming anyone but myself for my situation. I have poor social skills, and I can be rude without meaning too. The problem is that this is me, I am this way and I’ve no idea how to change.
I’ve been very lucky. I’ve found a man who gets past this, who see’s me for whom I am. Better than that he see’s me in a more favourable light than I see myself, he loves my quirks for the most part and he makes me feel likeable. I am enveloped in a warm, loving family and that makes coping with leaving the house easier.
Firstly an apology. I sincerely apologise to anyone out there, reading this, to whom I have been an idiot. My family, my friends, anyone who’s felt hurt, upset or uncomfortable by my behaviour. I’m truly sorry for all of this.
Secondly resolve, to try harder. It doesn’t feel natural to change but perhaps in time it will. How do I keep my Purple essence, the part people like regardless? How do I keep my foot out of my mouth whilst retaining the ability to make people laugh? I’m genuinely asking because my confidence is suffering and I need to do better.
Actually, I can identify with what you are saying to a certain extent…
I understand only too well how it feels to be socially inept. 44 years on, I’m still fighting it.
Am I right in presuming that this is the way you are? The way you’ve always been?
If so, don’t apologise for being you.
I love to make people laugh but so often I fail. You can’t win em all. It’s a true saying. Some people will think you are funny and some people won’t. Humour is subjective.
I think you’re quirky, interesting and funny.
“I’ve been very lucky. I’ve found a man who gets past this, who see’s me for whom I am. Better than that he see’s me in a more favourable light than I see myself, he loves my quirks for the most part and he makes me feel likeable. I am enveloped in a warm, loving family and that makes coping with leaving the house easier.”
I’m in the same situation. When you next feel like this. When the Mummy Mafia are getting to you – read this back to yourself because when it comes down to it, it’s all that really matters. x
Thanks, that’s absolutely true and on the whole I cope with it but sometimes when I’m tired anyway or whatever it just gets to me.
When you find out where the classes are, let me know! X
Lets go together and see whether we can ostracise ourselves in a class full of the socially inept.
Don’t apologise for being you!! I wouldn’t try to change….You are lovely just the way you are x
Thank you, that’s lovely of you.
Hi Ella, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, just carry on being who you are.
I’m sure a lot of people (if they are honest) can identify with what you have to say. It is a very brave thing to do to say the things you’ve said. Take care of yourself and your family, they are who really matter xx
Thanks Sarah, I guess your right but somedays I wish I was the easy one!
As someone who thinks you are ace. I’d say ‘shut up Ella’. You are who you are. That is what makes you special. It would be do dull if we all conformed, if there was no honesty, quirkiness. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
*sings* don’t go changing to try and please them, they should live you just the way you are….
Ok, I may have adapted the lyrics.
Damn auto correct. That should be love you not live you!
Thanks Gemma, I think your ace too.
It’s so difficult to try to fit in with the adults who belong to your children’s friends. I spent far too much time and energy trying to make this work. As the kids have got older and more selective with their friendships the pressure to impress people I don’t really have anything in common with has eased.
Hows about you spend more time with people who appreciate you for who you are 🙂 They then have the pleasure of your company and they remind you it’s good to be Ella:)
Yes your absolutely right, and I don’t really understand why since you have such a huge thing in common. Also I see other Mothers who seem to sail through the social side and I’m a teensy bit jealous. Yes to spending more time with people who appreciate me. So when’s a good time for a visit lovely?
You can not like everyone and everyone can’t like you. Fact of life, if they did you are either super human or kidding yourself.
Be yourself and don’t over think it! The more you worry about it, the harder it will feel!
Just be you Ella because that is who you are and I think you are rather lovely and honest which is a trait that is one of my favourites!
Thanks Ali, good advice.
hmm, I hadn’t noticed this about you in any negative waa, but what I do when I feel I am sticking out like a sore thumb I try to pull back a bit instead of trying harder. It is actually quite relaxing to stop trying and to say: you know what, if you can’t be bothered so can’t I – I am saving my energy (for some more fun people ;)). Specially in Augsburg this actually works quite well- the ladies are very conservative and are holding back a lot.
Recently the result of me pulling back was actually that one of the ladies is now making steps towards me… funny. Right now I only have one good friend in Augsburg- but really better one good one than 5 soso…