This post is going to be a little ‘it’s all about me’, but heck this is my blog and the place I’ve chosen to come when I’m feeling overcome by centre of the universe syndrome. So back to me. The navel gazing for my mid thirties is the shortness of life and the importance of doing what makes me happy. In fact I even have a new note in my overly uptight notes system on my iPhone. The note says “Do what makes you happy!” It is in bold.
It’s odd but I find that if I make a note, in indelible type (by which I mean I’ve forbidden myself to delete it), on my phone that makes it official which means I have to listen. Thinking the thought isn’t enough, it needs to be noted. I have issues.
Anyway back to the happy. I struggle with happy. I cling desperately onto happy, terrified of experiencing unhappy lest I get stuck there forever listening to Beth Orton and crying into my my copy of The Bell Jar. I’ve realised that being unhappy is possibly less terrifying if I don’t panic, but there’s still work to be done. So with happy so important, and life so short, how do I know what makes me happy and prioritise it in my life?
There are so many possibilities. Travel? Writing? Good food? Good friends? I love singing, I feel whole when I’m singing. Should I be forming a band, moving to a remote farm and making an album? But then there would be no time for baking, bread particularly, pouring my soul into food and then enjoying the sensation of eating it, and enjoying others eating it. Juggling? I adore the beach, I love the sea. Should I abandon the land and become a pirate? Pretty sure the kids would be up for that.
There is so much, and so few hours to squish it into. I want to find the purest pursuits, those that make me happy without involving my ego, and thus sure to end in self doubt and ridiculous despair. Obviously I love writing, blogging particularly, but the competition, the charts, the awards, the ego, those things make me desperately unhappy sometimes. Can I build a big enough protective cloak to take what I love from it and truly ignore the rest? Perhaps I’ll write a book?
On and on my mind runs over fields of ideas with nettle sting reality cutting at my feet. I think ‘living in the moment’ is key. Easy to understand but my mind runs away into the future with alarming regularity. I’m a worrier.
In all probability I will still worry, feel sad, anxious and all host of less popular choices from the emotionsphere (before you all tut I am aware that’s not a word, but I like playing with language, bite me.) However I want to make the most of the good times. From here on in I’m moving forward from my natural worrier standpoint and living my life with the mantra “do what makes you happy”. I’d love to hear from you what your life philosophies are? What makes you happy? Go on, leave me a comment please.
Hmmmmm what makes me happy? Right now that would be curling up with a good book without being disturbed, and getting to the end without taking several weeks to get there
Sounds pretty good to me too. I used to love going on holiday (pre-children) with a stack of books.
You can’t change the past and so just make the future better. Always works for me. & chocolate. That works too.
Thanks, chocolate works for all problems.
Being at peace with myself after a good run and some yoga. I haven’t does this for weeks so I’m cranky. Grabbing the kids for a damn good squeeze does the trick though 🙂
Yes cuddles are amazing for happiness. Sounds like you need a run.
Hell yeh I do lots of what I enjoy because I luckily enjoy many to-hand activities such as big cooking sessions with new recipes; gardening; fitness; pouring over a newspaper (undisturbed preferrably) and of course spending time with friends. Now that the sun is shining I will gladly forego any of the above to drive my MG in the sunshine…. Which reminds me I still ned to take you for a spin!
P.s. My friend sings with an evening singing group and raves about it. You should. It makes you happy 🙂 x
I’d love a spin in the MG, that is on my list. Can’t do evening stuff really because of health issues, but perhaps I should just sing more.
Try to remember that none of us know the future. We need to have plan for it and work steadily on it BUT there is a need to live for each moment, each day as these days become increasing fleeting and quickly become memories. Make the memories happy ones if possible. Enjoy your children, your family, your surroundings, your feelings. Embrace change, make sadness a contrast to your happiness rather than a millstone around your neck. Even in adversity happiness can be round that corner in the support of your family and the smiles on your children’s faces as they greet you each morning or give you a cuddle. Believe in yourself as yourself and remember simple pleasures can often bring the greatest happiness.
Wow it’s so odd that I open my twitter feed and see this post straight in front of me. It’s like it was calling to me as I face a dilemma that very much relates to my future happiness… I feel we are very alike. This is also my life motto, if only I would remember it instead of panicking! Xx
Don’t panic, stay happy 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
I was thinking this today strangely! I think real happy frightens me so sometimes I avoid it. My past experience equals relax and enjoy and bam here is something big and shitty to deal with, so I avoid real happy!
The reality is that is not the case of course so I need to get on back to reading up on CBT it has worked wonders for Bex and stopping punishing myself! Walk the walk after I have talked the talk!!!
For me being content is a lovely and peaceful dog walk in the woods, a walk in the park admiring the gorgeous tree’s (our local park is beautiful!) and seeing Bex and Oscar happy that is my content! xxxx
I’m glad to hear you’re also moving forward with this Ali, such a lovely lady definitely deserves some happy.