This post is going to be a little ‘it’s all about me’, but heck this is my blog and the place I’ve chosen to come when I’m feeling overcome by centre of the universe syndrome. So back to me. The navel gazing for my mid thirties is the shortness of life and the importance of doing what makes me happy. In fact I even have a new note in my overly uptight notes system on my iPhone. The note says “Do what makes you happy!” It is in bold.

It’s odd but I find that if I make a note, in indelible type (by which I mean I’ve forbidden myself to delete it), on my phone that makes it official which means I have to listen. Thinking the thought isn’t enough, it needs to be noted. I have issues.

Anyway back to the happy. I struggle with happy. I cling desperately onto happy, terrified of experiencing unhappy lest I get stuck there forever listening to Beth Orton and crying into my my copy of The Bell Jar. I’ve realised that being unhappy is possibly less terrifying if I don’t panic, but there’s still work to be done. So with happy so important, and life so short, how do I know what makes me happy and prioritise it in my life?

There are so many possibilities. Travel? Writing? Good food? Good friends? I love singing, I feel whole when I’m singing. Should I be forming a band, moving to a remote farm and making an album? But then there would be no time for baking, bread particularly, pouring my soul into food and then enjoying the sensation of eating it, and enjoying others eating it. Juggling? I adore the beach, I love the sea. Should I abandon the land and become a pirate? Pretty sure the kids would be up for that.

There is so much, and so few hours to squish it into. I want to find the purest pursuits, those that make me happy without involving my ego, and thus sure to end in self doubt and ridiculous despair. Obviously I love writing, blogging particularly, but the competition, the charts, the awards, the ego, those things make me desperately unhappy sometimes. Can I build a big enough protective cloak to take what I love from it and truly ignore the rest?  Perhaps I’ll write a book?

On and on my mind runs over fields of ideas with nettle sting reality cutting at my feet. I think ‘living in the moment’ is key. Easy to understand but my mind runs away into the future with alarming regularity. I’m a worrier.

In all probability I will still worry, feel sad, anxious and all host of less popular choices from the emotionsphere (before you all tut I am aware that’s not a word, but I like playing with language, bite me.) However I want to make the most of the good times. From here on in I’m moving forward from my natural worrier standpoint and living my life with the mantra “do what makes you happy”. I’d love to hear from you what your life philosophies are? What makes you happy? Go on, leave me a comment please.