I’m in a place which appears to sell clothing aimed at those with teen at the end of their age. I’m not entirely sure why I’m here, perhaps I’m having a mid life crisis? They sell a lot of black clothing, on the wall are posters advertising bands called slip knot and rage and I’m not sure which part of the body some of the spikes in the jewellery section are intended for. I sound so pathetically middle aged writing this that I’m afraid anybody under the age of forty reading just clicked away to take a quiz on which member of the royal family they most resemble.

Inside I’m screaming “don’t get your nose pierced, you’re having a mid life crisis and this is your equivalent of an ostentatious red sports car”. The part which controls what actually happens though is determined and I let a girl, who is obviously on work experience from her primary school, stick a needle through my nose. She tells me it looks cute but what would she know she still watches Blue Peter. Now I have to soak my nose in salt water once a day. I’m a 35 year old, mother of three who is spending her evenings with my nose in a bowl trying not to enjoy blowing bubbles through my nostrils because that would be juvenile.

Recently in Primark I considered leggings with superheroes on them. Then I remembered that these would look cute and quirky on a twenty something. On me, I’d just look like an idiot in superhero trousers, but do I really have to spend the rest of my life in sensible coloured trousers with a nice tasteful tunic on top? What happens to the woman who refuses to grow up when she hits National Trust age?

Personally I’d like to age disgracefully. Doing and wearing whatever pleases me regardless of convention. What do you think? Would you have bought the superhero leggings?