Happiness is like the first summers day of the year, full of promise and potential. Anger  churns inside like a blender. Sadness brings a grey colouring to everything your eyes see. Love is a peaceful bliss but it is also excitable.

I’ve been thinking about feelings recently. I struggle with mood stability, and I want to understand what’s happening to me.  So I did a little research into what causes our feelings. Yes I’m odd, and no I don’t mind. So anyway I discovered that happiness and sadness are determined by a neurotransmitter called serotonine. In fact one school of anti depressants are serotonine re up take inhibitors, meaning your supply hangs around longer in the part of the brain where it’s needed to boost and stabilise your mood.

Dopamine makes us feel happy, and adrenaline helps with concentration. Basically I would need to head back to university to be able to do more than scratch the surface of exactly the chemistry involved. But for now knowing that these things are in play could help me to understand them, and react more appropriately. I can think, yes I’m angry that’s epinephrine and non epinephrine, I’ll just ride that chemistry out and try not to do too much damage whilst I’m under the influence.

In reality though it’s not that simple. Even the most logical and restrained people get carried on the wave of their feelings. The way we feel shapes our behaviour, mood and way we look at the world. It’s not wrong. It just is.

So I shall continue to feel, and react, along with everyone else. I will stop apologising to myself and everyone else for being me because you know what, experiencing and understanding my feelings helps me to see the world in shades of grey, not black and white. Feelings are part of what makes me human.