It’s only the second month of my aspirations post (inspired by Hello It’s Gemma’s monthly intentions posts) and I’m late. It’s headed towards mid March and for the last week or so I’ve been completely unable to think past the next ten minutes, let alone into the month. My beloved Gran’s death has left me feeling shell shocked, and struggling. Grief takes its own time and in the meantime I need to function.

All around me spring is springing. I see signs of life on the morning school run, in my garden and on the rare opportunities I get to leave the city and soak up green fields and sky line. So this month will be about simple joy. Finding tiny pieces of joy in amongst my sadness, like the shoots of life emerging from the wintry looking ground. I intend to be outside, feeling the sun on my skin and remembering that life didn’t stop.

My February plans, mostly, didn’t come to fruition. My cake tin remained empty, book unread. I didn’t get that makeover, but right now I don’t really care. It’s not all bad though, my blog makeover is happening. I found myself a web fairy, and she’s working her magic as we speak. There will be a new name, and URL, as I define myself less by my role as Mum and find out who I am now. Purple Ella will launch very soon and I’m pretty excited about the fresh start for my blog.

So aspirations for this month? Honestly if I make it the end of March having been a good Mother, and wife, then I will be entirely satisfied. If I survive, and find times to smile and count my blessings then I will have gotten the best of the month. I’m confident April will come with more concrete ideas, but right now I’m being kind to myself and accepting grief as a process that is taking up a lot of my energy right now.