Today I’m tackling a very difficult topic. Autism and bereavement, including the impact of bereavement on autistic people and how best to support us.
I haven’t found a huge amount on this topic, so I’m hoping this might be a helpful resource.
Today I’m tackling a very difficult topic. Autism and bereavement, including the impact of bereavement on autistic people and how best to support us.
I haven’t found a huge amount on this topic, so I’m hoping this might be a helpful resource.
Thank you for this insight. I’m struggling with my 7 year old son. Hes a very unhappy boy at the moment. We lost my Grandma in 2018 and he struggled coming to terms with that. He had lots of questions which I answered truthfully. We have just lost my grandfather in November 2020 and my son hasn’t been himself. He’s upset a lot, he’s angry and lashing out. Breaking his xbox controller and his tablet. Then he’s frustrated with himself for breaking these items. I’m at a loss of what to do to help him. I’ve reassured him he can talk to me. We are still waiting for him to be diagnosed with autism after slipping the net for 2 years then covid. I just want him to be back to the happy boy he used to be. He’s very clever and bright beyond his years but he struggles socially and emotionally. I don’t know where to turn to get him some help. School are making a referral to healthy minds but I don’t know how long that Will take. He has been caught at his dad’s with a knife twice now. He said he wasn’t going to do anything with it or hurt himself or anyone but alarm bells are ringing. I hate that he’s struggling so much.
Thank you so much I found this video so helpful
I am grieving my Dad who died earlier in the year just after my own diagnosis at 67 and sadly I never got to tell him
I believe he was Autistic too
We had a difficult relationship so I’m finding the whole process really difficult but this has answered a lot of questions and you are right in saying that your Autistic traits become more intense I found that mine have
Thank you so much I found this video so helpful
I am grieving my Dad who died earlier in the year just after my own diagnosis at 67 and sadly I never got to tell him
I believe he was Autistic too
We had a difficult relationship so I’m finding the whole process really difficult but this has answered a lot of questions and you are right in saying that your Autistic traits become more intense I found that mine have
Thank you for doing this difficult video. I work as an emotional literacy support assistant and I have been looking for information on how to support a bereaved autistic person so it is very helpful to hear first-hand experience. Thank you again.
Thank you for making this video it has given an insight on how it is for someone with autism who is going through bereavement .I’ve a autistic daughter who has just turned 15.She lost her Gandad in October which was a shock for us all as a family as it was unexpected.Her Gandad was like a father figure to her as she has no contact with her father so you can imagine the effect it has had on her.We have noticed her behaviour has changed especially in school which has always been a challenge for her with the school understanding her condition.Her pastoral support has said she needs to get over it now as it was last year and made comments to her that she is not showing any emotion or upset..We have noticed a increase in her swearing and this is getting her into trouble in school.She gets so frustrated with how the school deals with her and as a result a school trip had been taken off her after telling her she had a place on it.The school wants prof that swearing is part of her unproductable behaviour I feel some school need more training with children with autism as half the problem is escalated by how things are handled.
Thank you so much for this.
My son’s reaction, or lack of reaction, to death so far has been confusing for us.
You have given us real insight in to this difficult subject. We now feel better able to support him.
It is so true that there is a lot of unnecessary fluffy language around bereavement. Perhaps plain speaking about death should not be such a social taboo.
Once again, thanks.
Very helpful video
Are there medications available to treat ASD symptoms?
What are they?
Are there recommended treatment options
Simple answer? No. Autism is not a ‘Disorder’. To call it ‘ASD’ implies that there is something ‘wrong’ with us. A disorder is an illness or a disease, whereas autism is simply a differing neurotype. Just as non-autistics (allistics) don’t need a “medication to treat [allistic] symptoms”, neither do we autistics need medications to ‘treat’ us! Autism is an intrinsic part of us and isn’t something we can or should change. Some people who are proponents of ABA say that we should, but ABA is abusive and has its roots in gay ‘conversion therapy’ which is abusive and doesn’t work. *Some* autistics may require medication if they experience additional health issues such as depression et, but our autism itself doesn’t need “treating”. This is why we need not just more autism awareness, but also autism acceptance.
I loved watching your video there.
I’ve had experiences at funerals with mixed emotions. I am autistic myself I finding life very hard at the moment with trying to cope. Finding ways and staying positive for me is the most hardest thing in the world for me because I’m lacking in confidence with no courage and no motivation . I am suffering with mental health as a result of this. I’ve seeked counselling 4 times and on most occasions it hasn’t worked. I’m considering using the autism counselling next time I feel bereaved.
Hi there Thankyou for sharing, my uncle is autistic and suffering with his mental health after his mum dying 3 years ago , I feel he is having flayed grief and now shutting down after many meltdowns , where can I find help
Hi, Ella.
I hate grief, loss, and bereavement. They are so hard to deal with. I am autistic and I don’t really know how it’s done. And you are correct, there is very little information available to help us.
I don’t think I have yet fully recovered from the deaths of my parents, particularly of my Mother who’s death was very unexpected. She was in her 80s but I seriously thought she would never die.
And then several years later their town burned up and most homes, including theirs, were burned to the ground. The was the only place in the world that I was truly comfortable.
At that time I was also forced out of my job – a huge loss for me. And now, during the pandemic, Howie’s veterinarian (Howie is my service dog) suddenly retired and moved across the country. This may be something a non-autistic person might not really understand. We were not friends. I only saw him when Howie went to the vet. But he had been in my life for decades with other pets. With Howie, he and I were partners to figure out the best care for him. It’s crazy, but I am devastated. How do you tell someone you’re grieving the loss of your dog’s veterinarian? And as an autistic person, how do you even begin to describe to someone what you are experiencing? I don’t have the words. And it probably seems silly. As an autistic person I have few attachments. Howie’s vet is one of them.
I am 70. The loss of Howie’s vet told me what getting old is like. Everyone you know – your peers, family, friends begin to disappear. In the end you are left alone with a younger generation. At least this is how I’m beginning to see the aging process.
Thank you for a very clear insight on the topic of bereavement. Your honesty and explanations helped me understand my daughter ‘s behavior.
Thank you for the very helpful video. Your insight will help me work with my autistic sister in the final stage of our mother’s life. Thank you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell us about your experiences with death related grief. I found your short video to be helpful to understanding how autistic traits can influence grief. I learned of this video from autism.org.uk.
I am very interested in what you found helpful in the first couple of years after the deaths. What did you find unhelpful? Did it help to talk about and explore your feelings, with others or alone? Were mourning activities, such as bereavement related rituals, jewelry or crafting helpful? What did you not have available to you that you wish you had?
Anything you might be able to share about supporting grief would be valuable. Thank you again for your time.
My mom is 79 yrs old and we think she is autistic. Since my dad died a year ago she keeps saying that she wishes she could cry as that would make her feel better. I try to tell her every one is different but what could I say that may help?
Thank you so much. This is amazing
Really useful video. I am preparing some bereavement training for a family and staff who work with a non-verbal autistic person who is 28 as his Mum is dying. I found this extremely useful and you are right there is not much out there. Thanks for your honesty and owning/sharing your story.
Thank you, Ella. For most people, grief is not in stages, but more like a pinball going from one to the other in a chaotic way. I can understand that this might be hard to imagine, given that you struggle to identify the difference in some emotions. I work with young people that are bereaved and autistic and its also quite hard to manage the expectations of professionals and family that spend time with them and expect a different grief reaction than what they see. Your description is helpful for me to reflect on and to inform my work.
If an autistic individual doesn’t know how they are feeling, and is unable to articulate it during bereavement counselling for an unexpected death do you have any things to help? Any better ways to explain grief? Do you know of any bereavement services specifically for autistic individuals?
Very useful. What would also help is for information on how to help my highly functioning autistic stepson to cope with his parents grief after losing his brother. Especially dealing with crying.
Ella I have just watched your video about autism and Bereavement thank you so much. I am a teacher and this has been so helpful to help me support my pupils and their parents.
Dear Ella Thank you for posting this video on grief. My friends boys who are now grown men in their 20’s non-verbal we are struggling to communicate that their mother has died. Can you offer any advice.