This isn’t the video I’d planned for this week but I’m struggling, and I needed to be honest and make this video instead.
Hope it doesn’t feel too much like an Ella whine fest, and that it’s still a helpful video.
Hopefully back next week with a cheerier outlook.
Hiya….have you seen this: a mum in the US just like you doing the same work. You might want to get in touch. We feature her on our website http://www.allianceforcamphill.com http://bit.ly/2tv1TwG
Self care isn’t a total fix. It’s a coping skill, and it’s about it taking us in the right direction, not reaching a destination where things are perfect and ok. Be kind to yourself for having these caged and frustrated feelings, they’re understandable. I don’t have a solution other than what you already do self care wise… Perhaps a bit more is needed right now. You’ve taken on a lot in the last 6 months and adrenaline caused by change doesn’t last forever. Sorry it’s a battle right now for you
Thank you Rachel.
A great an honest video Ella, Its always good to advocate ways and strategies to manage but equally as important to recognise when there are struggles, we are human after all and all have struggles.
Would be great if you could share your thoughts on our forum from time to time or even just share your videos https://theautismforum.co.uk
Hi Gavin, thanks for your lovely comment. Unfortunately with three children, work and self care I really don’t have time to do more than I do without risking my own wellbeing. Do feel free to share my videos there though if you think that might be useful.
I get it, I wish I didn’t. I want to say thank you for the video, I needed that. To know someone feels similarly, to know someone else is feeling in a prison but also intensely dependant upon that prison in so many ways. To be free would be amazing, properly free. After a lifetime of masking I too struggle to know who I am. The anxiety is terrifying but I simply do not have memory of a time without it, I don’t know who I would be without that or the asking either. Both have shaped me massively and shaped the pattern of my life.
I really hope you feel better soon but thank you.
Thank you Chloe.
excellent video/ totally honest and genuine.
Masking /I do that all the time, well
lots, I MASK .
? possibly because I wish to come across as a sophisticated, gorgeous , lovelyperson/ I wish !!!!!
I expect people see through my “mask”
Thank you for listening.
M.S
Wow… Listening to your post seems as I feel we are living in a parallel universe! I am experiencing the same as you. Had a really bad meltdown today at work. Worst ever due to communication issues. People think that by reading a chapter of an autism handbook they suddenly understand you and by doing one thing that they have read as a recommendation will make it ok. Wrong!
Thank you Sue
Ella, you are such a brave lovely lady; so open and honest.
You have a lot on your plate with a family and two pets and three young children.
What evidence do you have to say you are autistic;
I think I must be as I discovered your website only to day and I feel a massive relief to know I am not alone (in sometimes what feels like my mind is in a prision)
How does one get a diagnosis, how does one even start to explain what life can be like/ anxious for the most part about simply – everything.
Then
there is the fear of being labelled and judged.
However I wish to say a massive Thank You Ella- you have helped me loads already. xx
Hi Ella! I’ve been watching and listening to your videos over the past couple weeks, and you are SO much like ME! I am so thankful to have FOUND you… because I can totally relate to SO many of the things you’ve expressed in your videos. And it makes me feel better about my OWN struggles, because I know I am not ALONE in the things that “I” struggle with. Although I’ve seen many other videos about Aspies… your videos resonate with me more than anyone else’s! I’ve been wanting to comment on some of your videos, but I’ve been watching them on YouTube, and for SOME reason… I am no longer able to see the comment section on ANY videos on YouTube! I even tried signing out of YouTube Red to see if that made a difference, and NO!!! I STILL can not see the comment section under any videos! So, I’m so glad the thought finally occurred to me to come to your WEBSITE… because I CAN see the comment section, and post comments HERE! YAY!!!! 🙂 Because I really wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your VIDEOS! I feel as though you are my long-lost SISTER or something… even though I’ve never MET you! We do struggle with so MANY things, and I have really been struggling this past week, MYSELF. I could not EXIST without my LISTS… yet I have no idea how to live WITHOUT them. And sometimes I wish SO much that I wasn’t the way I was… but I AM! I try to be the best “me” that I can BE… and there are some things about “me” that are just GREAT… and I wouldn’t trade THOSE parts of me for the WORLD! But there are OTHER parts of “me” that make life SO difficult sometimes. I try to cope with those things in the best possible ways that I CAN… and sometimes it works quite well… yet sometimes, it DOESN’T! And then, I have meltdowns, or “mini-meltdowns”… or just get DEPRESSED. I wish my coping skills could be as good as the coping skills that everybody ELSE seems to have.. but NO! They simply are not, and have NEVER been! 🙂 MOST of the time, I’m very hyperactive, animated, talkative, and “INTENSE”… but sometimes life just seems SO hard, and I get really DOWN… just like you were feeling in this video. It is definitely a struggle sometimes… just to EXIST… being the way we are. And I guess that there will always be times when we can successfully COPE with life, and times that we CAN’T. All we can do is try to do the best we can to try to get through those tough times. I’m just beginning to pull out of a week-long struggle MYSELF… and when you FEEL like that… it feels like the sun will never shine AGAIN. But it DOES! It ALWAYS does. And then, we can just kind of move along with the sun shining for a while again… at least until another MELTDOWN or something! 🙂 I guess that we will always have THOSE… which is not a pleasant thought… but this is simply who we are, and HOW we are. So we’ve got to try to just ACCEPT ourselves for who we are, and LOVE ourselves through the tough times.. even when we’re not LIKING ourselves very well. 🙂
ANYWAY… I just wanted to touch base, and say hello… and wanted to let you know how very much I am appreciating your VIDEOS!!!!! 🙂 I feel like I have a new FRIEND! Thank you for BEING there for me, Ella!
Peace, Love & Blessings… 🙂
Speaking of being “too talkative, too intense, too much”… my last comment most likely fell into THAT category! 🙂 Feel free to delete it! 🙂 I WOULD have, if I COULD have… but I COULDN’T! 🙂 I basically just wanted to let you know that I’m really and truly appreciating your videos, and that I find you extremely RELATABLE. 🙂 So… THANK YOU, Ella! Peace, Love & Blessings to you, and to the whole Purple family… <3
yes
me too – toooo talkative, too intense sometimes.
My own worst enemy.
Why do I do this/ is it because I am anxious or want poeple to like me????
I am alright mostly tg; but there are times when I do not like “me”, I struggle to be “normal”, but mostly people seem to think that I am;
but then why do I feel “different”, or
not quite fit in.
Any help would be appreciated.
I have not faced up to or addressed my issues prior to to day.
THEN
I discovered “Purple Ella s ” blog.
Thank You.
Mary S.
Hi Linella, thank you for your lovely comment. I’m really glad you are finding my videos relatable and that they are helpful. I’m sorry though that you have to go through similar struggles to me. I hope the sun is shining with you today
so interesting, thank you. May I be so bold to ask how you; people get “Autism” diagnosis?
I am SO thankful I found your video! I feel like I can relate so, so much and I’m really struggling right now. I’m going to watch more of your videos as I have time, but I just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your struggles out here! I’m so sorry you are struggling, but just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I’m not sure what kind of music you like, but I’m drawn toward “classical study” music on Pandora when I need to find a more quiet kind of centering place? Things with words can sometimes be too much. Just wanted to share in case it might help you!